A friend’s father died recently, and I watched him go through it. The man was his mother’s husband, and my friend treated the fellow with all the respect anyone may deserve, and watching this relationship has given me some things to ponder…

The man was in very poor health for the last twenty years of his life. Before that he had been a strong man who worked in the trades. Then something happened. Every year during the cold months he would be prone to seizures. For nearly twenty years he and his wife endured a loving relationship, and a horrible life.

What brings love into people’s lives? I think the people do. If they are open to it. I watched my friend’s father and mother love one another despite enduring things people really shouldn’t have to endure… diapers, seizures, drooling, really quite a mess, and you can imagine enough horrible things on your own. If you can’t, then I won’t frighten you. But they had it tough. Tough as I’ve seen in a long time.

Now he’s gone. Everyone is at peace with his passing. But they were at peace while he was alive.

Peace isn’t something which you do, and then you have peace. Peace is something you bring to a situation, and you are peaceful. It’s like having some candy and sharing it with others. If the others are disinclined to candy, or not peaceful themselves, then the candy will not be eaten, and peace will not be extended. That is not to say candy will not be shared, nor peace experienced.

It’s cliché to understand there is more than one way to enjoy candy. My mother used to love to watch her children playing, even though she was not playing with us. Peace may be extended no matter what. Sometimes we do let go of fear, and still the peace is not ‘wasted’, or lost.

I can’t change anyone’s mind, nor could this man and his family change my mind about life. But being peaceful myself? I may celebrate his passing. Despite the inability to talk, care for himself, or tell those with words how much he loved them, they had peace.

Not a bad end to a fucked up life.

- –
Okay,
Father Luke