Poasted by: pnarco
« on: June 10, 2010, 11:23:22 AM »
The people who think too much. It has to be our decision eh? Not outside circumstance can do it because we can envision ourselves miserable in even the best of circumstances. But once we decide to say 'yes' to it, and have it as a goal we move toward, then so much flows our way.
Just now I thought of: "He who seeks the light, will find the light".
I think sometimes of being a guru or something like that, but I just don't want the responsibility. People take everything you say very seriously when you're a guru. I want to take it easy for the most part. Even when I'm busy at something. Certainly during times when I am 'downtime'. In the uptimes I am more inclined to hard work and responsibility. Sometimes too much of it. Up or down, I surf my own brainwaves and I think have gotten better and better at it throughout the years. I think that I'm lucky I don't have just one nature or one recognizable 'self'. I'd be bored with just one nature. I'd be bored with no challenges. I am glad to be crazy, I think, because it's just more interesting.
If you think about it, all people, evern yourself, have many natures, different roles, different selves, different thoughts and inclinations, impulses, feelings. Sometimes they are in conflict in ways that are familiar to us, and we hang onto the conflict even though it makes us feel bad. How then can people think of 'one self'. We are, each of us, a multitude. it's just that usually they don't realize it or think of them too much. They just think that they want an apple and go get an apple. There's no analyzing or reflecting or pondering why they want the apple or 'what' makes the decision on a biological or spiritual level to get the apple. Most people just don't care to think that much. Other people can't help but think too much. Nature produces variety.
I think I am the way I am because my writers, my genetic code-writers, had 9 months to sew together very disparate genes together in a body never meant to bear children, so they called the best engineers over and really broke the mold. They did the best they could with what they had at their disposal and created something more art than science. I think they did a great job. I am lopsided, but in interesting ways. The neurons in the language center of my brain are very densely packed, it's very developed or over-developed, kind of like Los Angeles in Blade Runner. Then in the social area of the brain, it's kind of under-developed... like some kind of third world country or something. Nature produces variety.
And that's okay. Without challenges, even challenges of a great deal, I would be bored here in this life and would never find out what I'm made of. I am glad I have time and space to reflect and contemplate, listen, be silent, hear the beating of my heart, write poetry, reflect some more, doze. It is nice. It is kind of lonely though sometimes. But not always. Usually it is just solitude. And it's nice.
Inside, I know that these are not unguarded or unappreciated treasures. That's a decision. I choose to savor what is now, each moment, very intensely. To be grateful for it. Appreciative. People say I'm a fool and I should not live this way. That I have to think of the future. Plan for my retirement. Or at least they used to say this. Either they just stopped telling me this... or else I just don't hear it anymore.